Liar Liar, Pants on Fire

I’ve gotten myself into a mess that I’m not sure how to resolve. I live in Iowa, and have a wonderful on-line relationship with Mike, a guy from Australia. When we started to become more than just friends (we met in an on-line gaming room) he told me he did not want to exchange pictures just yet – he wanted to get to know me for myself, and not be influenced by my looks. He said he has a history of falling for good-looking women who end up disappointing him, and this time he wants the attraction to be for the right reasons.

In the course of our early conversations, though, I told Mike I am younger and thinner than I am. I also neglected to tell him I have two teenagers, and a husband who is in prison. For me, at the beginning, Mike was an escape from my sometimes difficult life, and I never thought I would get serious about him. But now I think I am falling in love, and he says he is too. In fact, he wants me to come visit him, and he will foot the bill. Also, apparently he changed his mind about not exchanging pictures, because he sent me his, and he is just the kind of guy I fall for – tall, muscular, kind of rough and tumble, outdoorsy – in other words, flat out gorgeous. Now I feel obligated to send him my photo. When he finds out I am at least 15 years older than him and overweight, I’m afraid his interest will wane fast, no matter how idealistic he may try to be about personality being more important than looks.

I actually could visit Mike – my sister could watch the kids, and I’m not working. My husband is incarcerated for years to come, and I don’t love him anyway, so I’ll probably be getting a divorce – I’ve just been waiting for a good reason. But when my Australian finds out I lied to him, he’ll probably drop me like a hot potato. I know I made a mistake, but I want to try to salvage the relationship. How should I handle this problem?

Dear Liar,

Well, my dear, this IS a fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into. I do not see that you have any way to salvage the situation. A “relationship” based on lies is not sustainable. In fact, I think you are right ... When the Aussie hottie finds out that you have lied to him about practically everything, he will no doubt lose interest immediately.

But, if you want to try, here’s what you need to do. Number 1, get your divorce proceedings underway. Even if he is not around, you still have a husband. Before making yourself available to another guy, you must get out of your marriage.

Number 2, write Mike and tell him you have not been truthful with him, and you want to come clean across the board. Then do so, including sending a current photo. And let the chips fall where they may. I hope you have learned a lesson from this. Hopefully you will have love in your future, but most likely never with a man to whom you have lied.

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”

– Sir Walter Scott