Wedding Weary

My husband and I have seriously been on a wedding tour of the United States for the past three years (including our own). We have literally spent thousands on plane tickets and gifts. For one reason or another, all the weddings we have been to have been “unmissable” for one reason or another – mostly because these are truly good friends, many of whom traveled far and wide for our wedding, which touched us immensely. However, now – with three weddings in three cities in four weekends looming – it’s starting to feel a little out of control.

One close friend is getting married early next year very far away, to a man I’ve never met, and I only know one other guest. We will have just taken off a lot of work for the holidays (not to mention having a new mortgage to pay). This seems like a logical wedding to skip, but I’m not sure how to break it to her – not that I’m the focal point of her wedding or anything, but I know how important it was for me for my own wedding to have good friends there. For the sake of all of us in this quandary – and I know that I’m not alone – please advise!

Wedding Weary

Dear Weary,

It’s okay to say no to an invitation. You just have to weigh your interest in pleasing your friend against your interest in acting like a same person. You were really happy to have your friends to your wedding, but you also know, as a grizzled wedding veteran, that the absence of one guest does not make or break the occasion, especially when the bride and groom are amply padded by at least 150 other guests.

You have given me the opportunity to spout off on one of my pet peeves, which is that I think many weddings have gotten way out of hand. The expenses for all parties involved: parents, bridesmaids, guests, etc., run into thousands and thousands of dollars. The weddings themselves are ridiculously elaborate, including sit-down dinners for hundreds of people, some of whom don’t really give a hoot about the bride and groom, and are there for the free grub and booze. Please. Can we scale things down just a little?

Let’s try to regain a sense of proportion here. What is more important – the wedding or the marriage? Where should the emphasis be when two people have decided to formalize their decision to spend the rest of their lives together (hopefully)? Should money be spent on an elaborate one-day blowout, or would it make more sense to set aside a reasonable amount to help the couple get started on their shared life journey – perhaps toward a mortgage, paying off college loans, or some other more practical application?

It is possible to have a lovely, meaningful wedding ceremony without everyone concerned spending an arm and a leg. It’s courteous to consider others’ finances. Let’s bring a little common sense into the equation, especially in these tough economic times.