Dear Miss SmartyPants,

Beware, this is a pregnancy question from an ignorant male.  My wife stopped using the pill four months ago because we want to get pregnant, but so far, nothing has happened.  How long does it take, usually?  We’re starting to wonder if maybe something is wrong .

Wanna-be Dad

Dear Wanna-be,

I did a little research for you, and let me start by asking that you and your wife relax a bit.  Everyone is different, of course, and there is no predicting when a baby decides to make an appearance.  Some people try and bam, first month.  Some people take a year or more. 

I just did a quick PubMed.com search regarding return of fertility after stopping oral contraception.  For the first 3 months it’s possible to get pregnant, of course, but fertility rates are much lower than normal.  They may still be somewhat lower from 4–10 months, after which they return to normal.  So for sure, 4 months is too early to panic, in fact it is very normal and not indicative of any other problem.           

You didn’t say how old your wife is, but the increasing age of the mother-to-be is best reflected in the number of months it takes to get pregnant.  It takes a woman, on average, longer to get pregnant the later she tries.  And, of course, the window does close for good at some point – and it’s not like it’s 40 or 50 for everybody.  That’s up to her body. 

Also, women can only get pregnant 4 or so days a cycle when she is fertile.  The window for most women is two weeks after the start of her last period.  So block off 1.5 to 2.5 weeks after to be safe, and get happy.  Because you are concerned something may be wrong medically, it wouldn’t hurt for you to get a sperm count to reassure yourself that there is nothing wrong in that department.   

I haven’t read it, but Toni Weschler’s book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” is a family planning book that comes highly recommended, especially for those people who prefer a natural approach to birth control, pregnancy achievement, and reproductive health.  It tells how to recognize when a woman is fertile – makes getting pregnant a lot less a shot in the dark, so to speak.

If she hasn’t already done so, a visit to the OB/GYN is a good idea so your wife can get pre-natal vitamins and other information on ways to be healthy prior to pregnancy.  An up-to-date physical exam (pap smear, breast exam) is a great thing to have BEFORE she becomes pregnant.  Also, the OB can give you both an informed explanation of when to worry and when not to.

The important thing is to relax, enjoy each other and, oh – folic acid.  Your wife should eat lots of green leafies.  You, too.  Can’t hurt.  Good luck!