Dear Miss SmartyPants,

In response to “In A Bind” and “Regretful”, both of these women describe horrible lives, a lot like mine for over three decades.  My situation included my husband’s cheating, alcohol and drugs, and he was a horrible, angry drunk.  I dealt with his abuse, protected my children from it, and took good care of my children.

I also worked five jobs and worked the farm, while my husband drank until he was mean to me.  He cheated on me whenever and with whoever he wanted.  He threw me out of the bedroom and into a lawn chair on the front porch, and told me, “You sleep there.”  It was cold in winter, snow would pile up where I was sleeping, and hot in the summer.

I slowly began to fall apart mentally, crying uncontrollably, and wetting myself.  I was up and down all night, and he didn’t care.  He never cared.  Finally, when my last child was 19, my husband came at me with both fists.  

I packed my bags and left.  Yes, my children were upset with me at first, but now they are proud of me and happy for me – they call me a strong mom.  They ask me how I made it for over 30 years living like that.  They are very sad that I had to.  So, children may be upset at first, but they usually come around to see the truth, and why what happens, does.

I learned that when only one person cares and tries in a marriage, it won’t work.  Both persons have to want to make it work or it’s over – don’t spend 30 years trying, because it won’t.  Turn to God for help; you’re never alone, and it will get better.

Very Happy

Dear Very Happy,

If your story helps only one woman to realize the futility of trying to make a long-time, continuously abusive relationship better, you have done a kindness by sharing.  Women identifying with your past misery should know there are organizations in the Cedar Valley that will help women and children safely leave the abuser and get a fresh start.  Because this is such a serious problem, I want to do justice in my answer.  So in this column, I will discuss only one agency.  In the next column, we’ll discuss shelters, counseling, and other available resources.

 Seeds of Hope: A nonprofit agency providing support, advocacy, and helping to empower individuals dealing with domestic abuse.  They help with such things as filling out a No Contact Order, sitting in on court hearings, and helping to locate available and appropriate resources.