Dear Miss Smartypants,
 
When I was a little girl, my dad made me a play kitchen.  I know he put a lot of effort into it back then.  Unfortunately, I did not play with it much and my younger sister actually played with it more than I did (I didn't like that it didn't have a faucet or knobs with the sink, but didn't know how to tell my dad that as a kid).  Since it was big and our house was not, it eventually got moved into a shed that we used as a playhouse in our backyard.  In there, the doors would get left open and the wood on the kitchen did not fare well with that exposure.  It sat in the shed as I grew up, got married, and moved away.
 
After my first son was born, they brought it to my home without asking if we wanted it or not.  My husband does woodworking for a hobby, so he noticed that the wood was not in good condition and smelled because of that.  We put it in our basement for about two years when we moved and it was put into storage for about two more years.  Eventually, my parents picked it up, put a new coat of paint on it, and gave it to my older sister for her boys to play with (my younger sister didn't want it for her daughters either).  I was so relieved to have it gone after many years of not wanting it.  My husband didn't like having it around either, so he would bring it up sometimes.  We didn't argue about it when we had it, but I didn't know what to tell him when he'd ask if we could get rid of it, so that would cause some tension.   
 
Last summer, I had a baby girl.  While talking on the phone to my mother recently, she mentioned to me that my daughter would be old enough to play with the kitchen right about the time my nephew grows out of it.  She may want a toy kitchen, but my husband & I will not want that particular one back in our house.  I don't want to hurt their feelings either.  They are very generous and do get offended sometimes when we say no.  Also, if we take it, I know we will be expected to keep it even after our kids have outgrown it since my dad made it.  I want to honor & respect them, but I also need to take my husband & my desires in consideration.  How do I deal with this when it comes up again?
 
Stuck

Dear Stuck,

Your parents regard the play kitchen as a family treasure to be handed down through the generations.  You and your husband regard it as a smelly old token of your childhood that you didn’t like all that much even then.  And now they expect you to give it to your child to play with.

You should not be have to bring into your home something that is smelly and deteriorating, let alone expect your daughter to play with it.  Your parents are being unreasonable.  But maybe they don’t realize the condition of the play kitchen.  You should gently point out to them that the kitchen has provided hours of delightful play for many of your family’s children, but unfortunately, because of its condition, it is time to retire it.  Give your dad a hug and tell him how disappointed you are that your daughter won’t be able to enjoy it.  Don’t feel guilty – it is not your fault that the kitchen’s age is taking its toll.  If your parents are offended, they are not honoring and respecting you.  That is a two-way street, you know.  And it implies control issues on their part.