There is a woman at work who is, to put it mildly, different.  In fact, she seems to think she’s too good for everyone else.  She smiles and is pleasant, but never stops by anyone’s desk to chat or ask about family, weekends, etc. like the rest of us do.  At lunch she sits by herself and reads a book, like our conversation is so boring she couldn’t possibly bring herself to join us.  

We have tried to engage her in conversation.  She answers our questions briefly, then goes back to her book.  So one time, trying to show an interest, I asked her what she was reading and what was it about.  She told me, but I didn’t know what she was talking about.  It sounded complicated and boring.  It’s like she thinks she’s some kind of genius, but we think she’s just a snob with a superiority complex.  

We bring cookies and other treats to work frequently, but she brings nothing.  She doesn’t eat what we bring.  Once I even fixed up a little plate of goodies and took it to her desk.  She turned it down!  

We have get-togethers after work sometimes, and have invited her a few times, but she never comes.  We’re all willing to be friends with her, but how do we get to be friends with someone who acts like she couldn’t care less?

Snubbed

Dear “Snubbed”,

 Why is this so important to you?  If you have attempted to include your coworker in conversations and get-togethers, and she prefers to read or do something else after work, why is that a problem?  Not everybody is highly social.  Many people enjoy their own company, or that of a fascinating author, to that of coworkers.  They should not be censured for this.  

She may not eat sweets because she doesn’t like them, or is health conscious.    

Maybe lunchtime is the only time she has to indulge in her passion for reading.  Maybe it is her way to escape the office for a brief while, and immerse herself in another world.  Maybe she requires quiet time for herself.  Maybe small talk bores her.  Maybe she thinks you’re a bunch of idiots.  Who knows?  Who cares?  

I suggest you and your friends continue to enjoy each others’ company.  Be polite and respectful to those who may choose not to be a member of your social group.  Realize that people whom you consider to be “different” should not also be considered threatening.  She is doing nothing to hurt you.  Stop fixating on what you consider to be her aloof behavior, and get on with your lives already.