My husband and I get along great, maybe because we have very different interests from each other.  Don’t they say opposites attract?  In our day-to day- lives we agree on most things, and work out everything else.  The problem is when we start planning vacations.  

I want to do nothing more than lie on a beach with an umbrella drink in my hands, reading a book or people watching.  This bores him to tears; besides which he is prone to sunburn easily.  

His perfect vacation is going into the wilderness, camping, hunting, rock-climbing – he is quite active and fit and likes to be doing something all the time.  I actually don’t mind doing a little of that, but after a day I’m ready to relax.  

In the past we have alternated vacations – he’d come with me to a beach resort, then the next vacation I’d go with him to Colorado or Canada to be outdoorsy.  It’s a plan, but not the ideal one, because every time we went, one of us was not having the vacation he/she wanted.  So, here’s the solution we’ve come up with: separate vacations.  

We’re happy with this arrangement; in fact we tried it last year and loved it.  The problem is my mom.  She is horrified that we are taking separate vacations, and thinks it is the beginning of the end of our happy marriage.  I don’t know if she thinks I’m going to take up with some beach bum, or my husband is going to leave me for some backwoods cutie, or what.  But she was upset about it last year, and now that she knows we are planning the same thing this summer, she is throwing a fit.  How can I calm her down and assure her our marriage is solid and not in danger of falling apart if we go our separate ways for a week or two?

Separate & Happy

Dear Happy,

Your mother is probably from a generation where it meant trouble if one of the partners in a marriage wanted to spend time away from the other.  Of course, that has never necessarily been true, but it was the perception of the day, especially when there was inequality between the sexes.

Any arrangement that pleases you and hubby should be fine with her, and of course, this is none of her business.  But I would gently tell her that while you appreciate her concern, you and your husband trust each other and want the other one to be happy.  Separate vacations achieve that for you.  Assure her she needn’t worry – you and hubby have worked out an arrangement you both love!  Hopefully she will eventually realize her fears were unfounded.