Puzzled

I met a beautiful woman a couple months ago, and we have had several dates. I always have a great time with her – she’s smart and funny and classy … just what I like in a woman. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way about me. It just feels like everything is working perfectly between us. Except for one thing – physical intimacy.

I am not talking about sex, I can wait for that. But I’m talking about the kind of touching that would be normal at this stage of a relationship. She’s not a hand-holder, which is ok. But I’m the kind of guy who likes to cuddle, snuggle up on the couch, whisper sweet somethings in her ear. It ain’t happenin’.

All I get is a dry, closed mouth kiss now and then – it’s like kissing my mom, but without the affection. Maybe I have been misreading the signals, and she is not really that much into me. Yet, as far as I know, she is not dating anyone else, and she keeps accepting my invitations. It feels like we are clicking along quite nicely, but this lack of intimacy is very troubling. What do you think is going on? How much longer should I hope to be treated as a boyfriend instead of just a friend?

Puzzled

Dear Puzzled,

I don’t know what’s going on. Why don’t you ask her? After the next closed-mouth peck, just ask her, “Is it me?” Don’t be pushy, she may just be taking her time. Maybe she’s trying to be sure of her feelings instead of going to the next level, only to realize she has become involved in something she is not ready for.

Maybe she has intimacy problems. In that case, you have a tough row to hoe, because there are probably psychological issues she needs to work through, and who knows how long it will take for her to do that, or even if she wants to.

Maybe she is with you for the money, if you have more than she does. Sorry to plant that thought, but we need to consider all avenues here, whether it’s a pleasant thought or not. You may represent security for her, she may enjoy your company, and perhaps she is talking herself into settling for a great guy for whom she feels no great passion.

Maybe you have an oral hygiene problem of which you are unaware. It can be very off-putting to be on the receiving end of a blast of, excuse me, bad breath. Ask your dentist if he/she perceives you have that problem. If so, ask him/her for suggestions on how to alleviate the situation. There are quite a few causes for bad breath, and your dentist should be able to ferret out your particular problem in that department, if there is one.

Finally, you may have hit the nail on the head in your last question. Maybe this woman regards you as a wonderful friend, and you will never get to first base. Again, ask her.