My husband and I spend our summer weekends at our summer home on a lake.  Over the years we have formed friendships with four other couples, all of whom used to get together a couple times a month at each others’ summer homes.  That ended when one of the couples, call them Dave and Diane, got a divorce.  It was ugly, with each one accusing the other of cheating.  Diane has since moved.  Dave has remarried a lovely girl, Alyssa.  But two of the couples have taken sides - they won't have anything to do with Dave now.  We do see our old friends individually once in a while, but it's not the same.  

We had been in the habit, at the end of the summer season, to have a special dinner at a nice restaurant and toast the season gone by, and wish each other well over the winter until we could all get back the lake next season.  It was a very pleasant tradition, and a good wrap-up to mark the end of summer, as well as celebrate our pleasure in each other's company.  My husband and would like to propose to all parties involved that we get together this October for our traditional good-bye to summer dinner party.  This would mean the dissenters would have to meet Alyssa (who really is a sweetheart), and Dave would have to get over his huff that they chose his ex-wife's side against his.  I think if everyone got to know Alyssa they would like her.  It wouldn't mean they were being disloyal to Diane, just that they would have the chance to make another fun friend. 

Do you think we should take control of the situation by inviting everyone to the dinner party, and let the chips fall where they may?  I think if we broached the subject, they would at least consider it.  And if the party could actually take place, I'll bet everyone would have so much fun, that they would forgive and forget and we could go back to the way it used to be.  Your opinion, please.

Peacemaker

Dear Peacemaker, 

While I understand your desire for your friendship with these couples to return to what it used to be, I'm afraid I have to think that will probably not happen, no matter how much you want it to be so.  That being said, why not give it a shot?  You have nothing to lose, and maybe once the ice is broken, everyone will find a new way to relate to and enjoy each other that will include Alyssa.  But I would lay a little groundwork first.  I suggest you and your husband have the two couples who have estranged themselves over some evening for cocktails and snacks or whatever, and when everyone is relaxed and in a good mood, delicately bring up the fact that you miss the good times you used to have, and ask them if they would be willing to let bygones be bygones.  If you determine they will not budge, you have your answer, and there is no need to try to revive the end-of-the-season party.  But maybe by now they just need a gentle nudge to open their hearts and minds to accept the newcomer.  If they agree to give it a try, it would be easier to talk with Dave and Alyssa about forgiving and forgetting.  Once you have everyone softened up, go ahead and suggest the October dinner party.  It just might happen!