There is a younger guy at work (I’m 33, he’s probably mid-20s) who is so HOT I can’t stand it.  Whenever he is around I cannot concentrate on my work.  He must think I’m a total idiot, because I want so much for him to think I am fun and cute, but I am totally tongue-tied even when he says, “Hello, how are you”?  I just say “Fine”, and then I beat myself up thinking of all the conversation-starters I should have used.

He is a really nice person, so when he is really nice to me, I can’t tell if there is anything else going on there or not.  I see him be friendly and nice to everyone else too, so it’s hard to tell.  But I want so much to find out if he thinks I’m someone he’s like to be with.  I have never been so attracted to anyone, especially not my husband.

I have fantasies about this guy all the time.  I have even dreamed about him a few times, and it’s always in a romantic situation.  I don’t work directly with him, but run into him 2-3 times a day.  I keep wanting to grab him and shove him into a closet or something.  Once we were the only people on the elevator for 3 floors.  It was all I could do to keep my hands off him.  I was a wreck by the time we reached our floor. 

What am I going to do?  This guy is driving me crazy!

On Fire

Dear On Fire,

What are you, 12? 

You have a major pre-teen-like crush on a guy who probably has never given you a moment’s thought other than as a co-worker.  Even if he were to respond if you made an advance, where would that get you?  Maybe a fast little fling that would diminish both of you.  And you’d still be married to … who?  You didn’t say much about your husband, except that you’re apparently not very attracted to him.

You’d better put some water on that fire, girl, and start trying to figure out what is missing in your marriage.  Get your mind back on your work, and direct your passion toward improving the situation at home.  See if you can transfer to a department where you do not run into Mr. Heartthrob at all.  Or even look for another job, if possible. 

I can assure you, you are skating down a dead-end street.  Get a handle on yourself at work and at home.  Your situation right now reads like a tacky little romance novel, and while that may feel all romantic and exciting to you, it looks pretty cheap from this view. 

Work on your self-respect issues, grow up, stop living in your fantasies and start improving your realities.   Remind yourself why you married your husband, and if necessary get professional help to light that fire in your marriage, where it belongs.