Nervous Wreck

I am tense, and can’t seem to make myself relax. My back is in a permanent knot. I worry most about finances, and also about my family and friends and significant other. My job is stressful, and I have problems sleeping. I lie there thinking about all I have to do and how important it is that I get some sleep, but I can’t unwind enough to get a good night’s sleep. When I do fall finally fall asleep, I grind my teeth. So I slog through day after day tired as well as on edge.

I know most of my worries are unfounded but I can’t seem to talk myself into letting them go. I need a day at a spa, but can’t afford it. Any advice?

Nervous Wreck

Dear Wreck,

I’m doubting that a day at a spa is up to the challenge of untying a permanent knot. What you need is the determination to fix the problems that can be fixed.

Come up with a realistic bill-pay plan. If you can’t do so on your own, make a one-time investment in a financial counselor to help you set it up. Then stick with it.

Make lists when you feel overwhelmed, so you can see what really needs to be done, and then prioritize what you need to tackle first. Don’t be a perfectionist – just do it.

Learn how to say “no” to others who ask for too much, and to yourself if you are spending too much money or taking on more than you can realistically handle.

Try to identify what it is about your job that stresses you, and consider whether it is fixable. You may want to talk to your supervisor, or the human resources manager – someone who will listen and give you good feedback. If it really is a horrible job with no signs of ever getting better, consider getting another job. I know that is easier said than done, but you should not have to spend 1/3 of your life being miserable.

Make a commitment to take time for yourself during non-working hours, such as taking a relaxing hot bath, or a 30-minute walk, or turning off the TV and reading a good book for an hour before bed. Don’t think of it as wasting time – it is relaxation therapy.

If those suggestions don’t work, consider the elephant-in-the-room approach. Is there a source of stress right in front of you that you’re desperate not to face?

And if nothing works, consider the medical route. Anxiety can be a treatable disorder with the proper medication. Counseling might also be in order. Ask your doctor what options are available, and for a referral if necessary. Take a firm hold of your anxiety, eliminate all the causes you can, and become a healthier, happier person, starting now.