I’m getting married in May, and I really want this marriage to last a lifetime.  Everything is great between us right now, but the statistics aren’t encouraging when I read 50% of marriages end in divorce.  What advice do you have for newlyweds to keep in mind after the wedding is over and they begin their day-to-day life together?

Motivated to Succeed

Dear Motivated,

I’m glad you asked!  I believe there are a few guidelines to a happy relationship; they are based on consideration for one another, respect, and common sense.  

Have fun together.  Make and keep a weekly date where you do something special with one another.  It doesn’t have to be expensive – you might prepare a nice dinner together, and eat it in front of the fireplace or on the patio or anywhere other than the TV room.  You might take a long walk in a pretty area, and try to come up with new places to walk next time.  You might read to each other – as you run across something interesting in your reading during the week, save it for your special reading time.  The point is, you are taking at least a couple of hours to talk and share with no interruptions.

Be romantic.  Once a week or so, do something small, like putting a sticky note on his/her mirror that says “I love you”, or “I still choose you”, or “You are so hot”, whatever.  Buy your sweetie a small gift, or meet for lunch, or shower together.  Call during the day just to say you are thinking of him/her.  Don’t be afraid to be corny!  Touch often, not just when you want to be intimate sexually.  Intimacy can happen with a smile across a room.  

Don’t argue unless it is something REALLY important.  You will find that few things are.  If you must hash something out, do not do so when you are feeling emotional.  Anger or high anxiety chase reason and logic out of the room.  If your spouse gets upset, let them vent, and just remain quiet and attentive.  Sometimes venting is necessary.

Exercise together.  Staying in shape will make you both feel and look better, is fun to do together, provides a feeling of accomplishment, relieves stress, and will make you more desirable sexually.  If you are proud of your bodies, you’ll want to share that, right?

Have at least one common interest that is important to you both.  It doesn’t matter what it is, but it does matter that you stay connected through your shared activity.  My guy and I enjoy lots of common interests, and when traveling or exploring new territory, we totally agree on how best to enjoy the new experiences.  BUT, we have opposing views on two important subjects – religion and politics.  So, guess what?  We have learned to respect each other’s viewpoint, and leave those subjects alone.  Neither of us is going to change the other’s mind about such important matters. So there is no reason to try.  Consideration, respect, common sense – the 3-legged stool to support a happy marriage.