Dear Readers,

In the October 1, 2012 issue of the Saver was a letter from “Disappointed”, who, along with her husband, had invited guests for a weekend at their lake home.  The hostess was very disappointed because she had made plans to prepare a number of meals for them; they didn’t show up for the brunch which was already on the table, they invited another couple to the cookout without asking the hostess if it was ok until the last minute, and they left before lunch the next day.

I agreed with the writer that the guests were rude, and suggested that next time the hostess should either fix very simple things, or plan to eat out.

A reader had a different take on the situation:

Dear Miss SmartyPants,

I wanted to offer another insight to the situation in the Oct. 1, 2012 paper.

I think Disappointed might have gone to too much extra work (being a Martha not a Mary) and that is what lead to being disappointed. She wanted everything "perfect". You missed the opportunity to state that nothing is perfect so just enjoy the company.  When someone goes in with high expectations, they can get disappointed.  The hostess might have set herself up....I think the visit was more about the hostess wanting to "look" good than the visit itself.  She wrote, "I planned gourmet (read: expensive!) meals".  Was the hostess wanting to be praised?  "I got up early... " or maybe she is a martyr?  It appears the guests are not impressed by big gourmet meals and like things simple.

"The plan was for them to come Saturday for brunch."  Was this stated clearly or just assumed?  Were the guests told, "DO NOT eat as I will have a brunch for you when you arrive."?  I am the type of person who would eat before arriving so the hostess doesn't have to go to extra work.

I do think the guests inviting another couple to join the cookout was going overboard.  They should NOT have done this.  Disappointed should just be clear on the next visit - "I would appreciate it if you would let me know if others are coming so I can be prepared."

Just My Thoughts

Dear Just My Thoughts,

Thanks for shedding a different light on the incident.  It was not really clear in Disappointed’s letter whether her guests knew the schedule of meals, or if she just assumed they should.  However, if I were invited for 11:00 a.m., as they were, I would expect a meal would be served.  It does seem, now that you point it out, that the hostess may be a little uptight about entertaining.  She said her guests moved in “social circles beyond ours”, so that is perhaps why she got all fussy.  She should just relax, be herself, and as you say, enjoy the company.