I am the single dad of a beautiful four-year-old daughter, Melissa, who is the light of my life.  Her mother passed away almost a year ago of an incurable disease, so we’ve been going it alone for a while.  She’s in a good day care, and I get lots of help from my parents, so while I’m at work she is in good hands.  But after work, it is usually just the two of us.  I enjoy cooking, so dinner is not a problem.

What I’m writing about is, I want our time in the evenings and on weekends to be meaningful and good for her.  The responsibility of knowing that her happiness and sense of well-being are almost entirely on my shoulders is daunting, to say the least.  I want to do the best I can by her, but I’m not exactly sure how to do it.  Sometimes I feel almost overwhelmed by the responsibility.  Do you have any suggestions as to how I can help assure I’m doing this parental thing right?

Insecure Dad

Dear Insecure,

Man, I am impressed.  Just by caring as much as you do, you are surely doing lots of things right.  Please realize that there is no such thing as the perfect parent.  Your parents weren’t perfect, and you won’t be either.  But there are activities you can enjoy with Melissa that will help in achieving your goals for her.  

First and foremost, READ TO HER.  Children of parents who read to them have better language and literacy skills when they go to school.  They also are more likely to develop a love of reading, which gives them a life-long advantage.  Try to make reading for ½ hour or so a daily habit.  It’s a wonderful way to transition from her busy day to sleep time.  Don’t just read, but talk about the pictures in the book, explain the meaning of the story, and encourage Melissa to talk about what has been read to her.  This will help improve her understanding of the world and develop her social skills.  Use an interactive style of reading, making connections to Melissa’s own experiences, or even your own.  Explain new words and the motivations of the characters.  Be sure there are plenty of age-appropriate books in your home, and let her see you read for your own pleasure.

Limit her TV watching, and be sure she’s watching quality programming.  Watch TV with her, and discuss it the same way you discuss books.  Play games with her.  Let her help in the kitchen and around the house.  Even a young child can learn to put away her own toys, and keep her own room neat.  Encourage her to play outdoors and lead a physically active life.  She is in day care, so she probably has the opportunity for socializing with kids her own age there.  If not, try to find children her age for play dates.  And unless life and limb is threatened, let them work out their own problems.  Provide  paper and crayons, paints, etc. to encourage her creativity.  Relax and enjoy your daughter – you’re doing fine!