I am married with 2 children, but I don’t have a husband.  Oh, on paper I have a husband.  There is a guy who shows up at home on a daily basis (most of the time) who probably thinks he is my husband.  But I disagree.  In my opinion, a husband is someone to talk with and do things with and plan for the future with.  The guy who thinks he is my husband doesn’t do any of that.

When this guy gets home from work, does he ask me how my day went?  No.  Does he talk with the kids, or even look at them?  No.  He reads the paper, eats the dinner I have prepared in front of the TV until bedtime, and goes to bed.  Sometimes he breaks that routine by meeting the guys after work, having “a few” beers, then coming home, warming his dinner up in the microwave, eating it in front of the TV, and going to bed.

On weekends, he will do one of 3 things, depending on the season.  1. Go hunting or fishing all day with his friends.  2. Spend the weekend “fixing up” the beater of a car he keeps in MY half of the garage – a project that appears to be never-ending.  3. Spend the weekend watching interminable sports on TV – professional games, college games, golf, basketball, whatever.  No fair talking while he’s engrossed in the wit and wisdom of the commentators, either.

I am considering taking the kids and move out.  They would not miss the dad they don’t have, nor would I miss the lump of protoplasm that keeps growing fatter and getting dumber.  My job doesn’t pay much, but I’ve budgeted it out, and I think we would be okay.  My parents do quite well, and have already told me they would help financially if I need it.  This is no marriage, this is no family.  Don’t tell me to talk to him.  He just shrugs and tells me I don’t have it so bad, and turns his attention back to the TV.  I do have it bad, and I want it MUCH better.  Any ideas?

Ignored

Dear Ignored,

I don’t like to sound like a broken record, but some situations call for professional help, and this is one of them.  It sounds like you pretty much are leaning toward moving out, and that may be the best answer.  But before you do, give this marriage one more shot.  Tell your non-husband that you are planning on leaving and taking the kids.  If he doesn’t seem to care, there’s your answer.  But if that gets his attention, ask him if he would be willing to go to counseling with you.  If he is, there’s hope for the marriage, and though it will take a long time, maybe he will be willing to change.  Only time can determine that. 

Whatever happens, you and the kids deserve a better life.  You deserve love and joy and caring between ALL family members.  Do whatever you need to do to achieve the happiness you desire.