My girlfriend is dating my dad, and it is freaking me out.  I’ve been friends with this girl, Hannah, since junior high school.  We are both out of college now, and are back in our hometown.  But this summer my dad, who has been divorced from Mom for 3 years, asked Hannah to dinner, and she accepted!  They have been dating exclusively ever since, and it’s creepy.  He’s 23 years older than her!

So here’s what happens.  I’ll come home from work to find her cooking dinner for Dad (yes, I still live at home).  She always makes enough food for me, but I feel so awkward at dinner, especially when they do flirty things and make big googly eyes at each other.  It’s like I’m invisible.  At least she doesn’t stay overnight here.  He often spends the night at her apartment, though.  I don’t mind that he’s involved with someone, but my girlfriend?  There’s something weird about that.         

What if they decide to get married?  Then my girlfriend would be my step-mom!  It’s disgusting!  She and I haven’t done any girlfriend things together since this whole thing with Dad started.  Frankly, I’m not sure I even consider her a friend after this.  And I don’t know what to think about him, either.  I feel lonely and betrayed.  Am I just being selfish?  Should I accept this affair?

Confused

Dear Confused,

This is, to put it mildly, a very awkward situation for you.  Not for them, apparently.  They seem to be acting like it is completely normal, which it is not.  They need to know how this is affecting you, and what your thoughts are.  

Talk with your dad first.  Tell him what you’ve told me.  Let him know you love him, and that you are happy he’s found someone whose company he enjoys so much.  But ask him to look at this relationship from your viewpoint.  Ask if he could be more discrete, and entertain his girlfriend (YOUR girlfriend!) somewhere other than in your home.  Then have the same talk with Hannah. 

Emphasize to both of them that their happiness is important to you, but that you feel uncomfortable being around the two of them together, at least at this point. They should have no problem understanding that, and respecting your feelings.    

Then do try very hard to accept Hannah as your dad’s girlfriend.  You don’t want to become estranged from your father over this.  They are adults, and are not doing anything wrong by having this relationship.  If your fear comes true, and they do get married, at that time you will have to be gracious and accepting of Hannah.  You don’t want to set yourself up as the outsider who gets left out of the family, however unusual that family maybe.