I’m conflicted on several issues in my life.  1^st problem - I am a 21-yr.-old black female, and I think I am gay or bisexual or maybe just confused.  I like to look at females, but I think having sex with them is gross!  But I have done it just to figure it out and at the time it feels wonderful, but afterward I feel the same way.  Also I am a Christian raised to think such acts could send me spiraling down to the fiery depths of hell!  I think my mom suspects.  Should I tell her?

2^nd problem – I am a dark-skinned Black, and in the black community we are teased for that.  For that reason, since about the 2^nd grade I find myself hating my own race!  I love my family, but I can’t stand to be around too many of them or any other black people for that matter.  I find myself more drawn to white people.  All my friends have been white except for one light-skinned black female.  I’m afraid to have kids because I don’t want kids that look like me.  I fear the names they will be called.  Plus, I don’t think I would be a good mother.  What do I do?

My last issue – I dropped out of high school in 10^th grade because I was getting tormented.  Why?  Because I had really bad horrible b.o.  I don’t any more!  I stopped showering because when I was little my cousin and a baby sitter made me do stuff with them we saw in a pornographic movie.  I thought, why should I keep up with my hygiene when no one cares about me?  I think about the abuse every day.  How can I get over this without a therapist?  I can’t afford it.

I fell I am destined to do something great.  People tell me I have talent.  I draw, and write poetry and short stories.  But without a H.S. diploma or GED, I am nothing (on paper).  How do I get over my problems to become the strong woman I know that I am supposed to be?

Conflicted

Dear Conflicted.

Answer to 1^st question – No, don’t tell your mom.  What would you tell her – that you may be gay, or bisexual, or neither?  You don’t have anything to tell her.

Answer to 2^nd question – Do not have children until you want them whatever color they are, and until you are positive you would be a terrific mom.

Answer to 3^rd question – You don’t need a therapist to gain control of your life.  Your main problem appears to be that you have no focus.  You are drifting through life with no goals, letting others determine how you feel about yourself.  Get your GED no matter what it takes.  Hone your talents through education.  Each success will help you develop self-esteem, and your life will improve.  You will stop dwelling on past grievances, and become excited about your future.