Concerned Observer

I’m a 20-year-old student at UNI and I rent a house with 3 other guys. One of these guys is a real jerk - arrogant, obnoxious, etc. He brings home a different girl almost every weekend. One weekend there was even one girl on Friday and another on Saturday.

I’m hearing the lines he’s feeding these poor girls, and I know they’re a load of crap, to be frank, just to get them into bed. Shockingly, it works 99% of the time, probably aided by the fact that they’re usually somewhat drunk when they get here, and then they usually have a couple more drinks here. I don’t think that they’re so wasted it constitutes a legal issue. It’s just that I know these girls are getting lied to about his feelings, his history, and his intention to (not) call them.

I just want to come out and tell them to head for the hills instead of sleeping with this jerk. Would that be wrong? What if I just dropped a hint to them when he went to the bathroom or to pour another drink or whatever? Or is it not my business? If my sister were one of those girls, I’d sure want the roommate to say something.

Concerned Observer

Dear Concerned,

Well, I certainly hope your sister has more self-respect than to get drunk and sleep with someone she just met. Frankly, I have a problem with the idea that these women are all helpless victims of Mr. Smarm. I think it’s sweet that you have this protective desire to keep these women from being snookered. But hook-ups are a two way street, so I’m thinking both your roomie and the woman du jour are getting what they want.

Now, if he brought the same woman around 2-3 weeks straight and then seduced and abandoned, I’d be able to see the “victim” angle better. But my guess is none of the women you are concerned about genuinely thought she was the love of his life based on one drunken evening.

To be fair, I suppose there are probably a few college women innocent (or clueless) enough to get themselves into the situation you describe who actually think they have (and actually WANT) a future with this clown, but surely they are few and far between.

Having said all that, even if you go into this believing as I do that women can be open-eye partners in one-night stands, there is still an argument to be made for saying something to them if the opportunity presents itself. Something like, “I don’t even know you and I know you can do better.” It’s not a flat-out rescue, but it would give the woman a chance to take another look at your roommate before doing something meaningless and demeaning. And you will have done a good thing.

Incidentally, you seem to be a gentleman as well as a scholar. Kudos to you.