Concerned

I suspect my beautiful 2-year-old nephew may be autistic. His social progression, speech, and inability to initiate normal interactions between himself and others seems to me to be abnormal for a child his age. I have worked in a psychiatrist’s office, and recognize that my nephew exhibits some of the same symptoms as our autistic patients. How do I tell his parents of my suspicions so the boy can get the treatment he needs?

Concerned Aunt

Dear Concerned,

Telling a parent that you suspect their child has autism can be a scary process. Yet, it’s best for the child to not wait. These tips from the National Autism Association may help.

1. Make Sure – Autism is a combination of serious symptoms. Educate yourself before causing false panic. Be sure you have observed the child enough for founded suspicions.

2. Gather the Literature – Gather reliable literature that outlines the signs of autism, how it is diagnosed, and where to find help. Mark the signs you see in the child itself.

3. Call – Let the parents know you would like to speak with them. If they ask why, you can explain you are conflicted about something and would like to get their feedback.

4. Don’t Wait – Absolutely do not be afraid to tell them because they will be angry. Remember, you’re doing this for the child. The sooner you tell them, the better.

5. Do Not Tell One Parent – Make sure both parents are present when you voice your concerns. If one is unable to attend, ask to come at a time when both may be present.

6. Explain Your Reasoning – Explain you are there out of caring for them and their child. Be sure they understand that you feel as though you are doing the right thing.

7. Present the Literature - Once you’ve explained your intentions, allow them to look at the literature you’ve prepared without interruption. Present the symptoms pages first.

8. Don’t Be a Know-It-All - Portray yourself only as a messenger of information. After they review the literature, encourage them to get an opinion other than yours. Ask them to take the information to the doctor and request a referral to an intervention center.

9. Do Not Argue Back – If one or both parents becomes angry, remain calm and compassionate. Leave the literature with them in a very kind way and follow-up later.

10. Understand - Parents do not want to hear their child is sick. Having to know in order to fix the problem is much different than wanting to know. Accept their response.

11. Offer Support –Since it is your nephew who may have autism, you may need time for yourself to cope and grieve. But be sure to focus on their sorrow and not your own. 12. Give It Time – Wait a day or two to call as a gesture of support. Do not make the conversation about their reaction, or your reaction to their reaction. Simply offer support. If they do not wish to speak with you, don’t take it personally. Remember, they’re grieving for their child and, in some cases, are still trying to grapple what they’ve heard. Make sure to communicate with them on their terms and not your own.

For symptoms, treatment options and more, visit www.nationalautismassociation.org