I have a co-worker that is a lying, sneaky manipulator.  Other workers in my department and I have talked to our manager about her, and he talks with her, but nothing changes.  Morale around here sucks, and it is because of this one person.  What can we do to deal with this toxic atmosphere?

Miss SmartyPants Answers:

If talking with your manager hasn’t made a difference, you need to deal with this problem yourself.  You can’t get away from her, she makes your blood boil, and she’s impossible to get along with.  Or so you think.  Perhaps the key to workplace harmony isn’t in hoping she’ll realize what a pain she is; perhaps the  solution is closer to home.  Fortunately, there are some tips you can use to get AROUND the situation.  Don’t waste energy having a major breakdown over someone you can’t stand.  Instead, try these 4 tips:

1. Be Prepared for Conflict.  If you deal regularly with a difficult person, think ahead of time how you will react.  When you’re unprepared, you are liable to react with angry, childish behavior, which will get you nowhere.  Be a professional.  Instead of griping and moaning about her every quirk, aim to resolve the conflict.  Uphold your morals and values.  Be self-confident.  Be willing to compromise.  Don’t let her drag you down to her level.

2. Don’t Fuel the Fire.  People who instigate confrontation and cause tension also thrive on controversy.  Your negativity toward them fuels their malice and makes them feel powerful.  If you stoop to their level, you may end up looking like the bad guy.  Instead, you and your other co-workers should try killing her with kindness.  It’s the best ammunition for dealing with difficult people.   She’s used to your hostility, and probably enjoys it.  Surprise the heck out of her.  Sure, it’s manipulative, but this way you’re doing the manipulating, not allowing her to do it.

3. Try to Understand Her.  Negative behavior is often the hallmark of people who are putting up with a whole lot more than they let on.  Maybe it’s money issues, marital problems, health concerns, or all of the above.  It may not justify her bad attitude, but her problems may be beyond your reach.

4. Ask Yourself, How are YOU Contributing to the Problem?  Resolve to get along, leave pettiness behind, and chill.  Pointing fingers at others is a waste.  

So, you try to be understanding and make nice, and it just doesn’t work.  There comes a point where you have to hang up your hat and admit that the situation isn’t going away.  If you honestly give it your best shot and nothing changes, realize that there is no point in giving someone the power to ruin your day.  Rise above it.  Learn to control your negativity, or let her win.  It’s that simple.