Alone

At one time, I thought he was the love of my life, that I was so lucky to find a guy who seemed to complete me. And, miraculously, he made me think he felt the same way. We fell for each other hard, and our relationship was exciting, and amazing, because we “got” each other like no one had ever done before.

But almost a year ago, something happened, and I started suspecting he was putting distance between us. I tried talking to him about it, but he denied anything was wrong, and said he still loved me. He kept denying anything was wrong right up to the time 5 weeks ago when he said he was leaving.

And then, he left. He actually moved to another state with no forwarding address or phone number. He has changed his email address, his friends have gathered the wagons and won’t tell me anything. I was frantic, but now I’m just sad and empty. How do I get over such pain?

Alone

Dear Alone,

Believe it or not, it is possible to get over a break up. You are probably obsessing about what happened, so as long as you’re thinking, consider this. There was a reason why he left. You may not know the reason, but he had one, whether you would consider it a good reason or not. And that reason (or, more likely, reasons) kept the relationship from being what he wanted for the rest of his life. So, it would have ended eventually anyway. Now you need to look after yourself. Get active, exercise, eat right. Explore options.

Try not to second-guess the situation, you’ll just drive yourself nuts. It’s common to romanticize the relationship, but perhaps you were in denial about the bad parts – no relationship is perfect. It bothers me that you say he “completed” you. You are already a complete person. Perhaps you meant you complemented each other. In any case, make up your mind to accept the situation and move on. Look outward to fresh beginnings.

It is actually good that you have no way of contacting him. While it would have nice for him to talk it out with you, and perhaps allow you to get a little closure, he did not. There is nothing to be gained from you calling, texting, emailing or in any other way getting in contact with him. He’s gone and you’re not over him yet, so emotional confrontations would serve no purpose. You will regain your life without him, and a better one.

Don’t beat up on yourself, and think you are undesirable. As they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. This guy was not THE fish. Eventually you will find someone else. If you were a little clingy or needy or had other shortcomings, it’s ok to accept responsibility for them. But also accept that you are a good person who did her best, and know that everyone makes mistakes. Acceptance is the key to being able to move on.