Dear Miss SmartyPants,

My husband and I get along great in most ways, but we have a real difference of opinion when it comes to how to spend our disposable income.  We finally have a comfortable life, after scrimping and saving all our younger years, and at this point I’d like to have the house I’ve always dreamed of.   We don’t have to move to achieve this – I like our neighborhood, and the basic bones of our house are good.  But I’d like to add on a sunroom, and expand our deck and patio, and get all new carpeting, and update the kitchen and bathrooms, and replace some of our furniture, and repaint the interior and spiff up the exterior and get some new landscaping.  I have enough plans to keep us busy (and spending on the house) for 2-3 years.  I want to be able to entertain family and friends in style!

But my husband has other ideas.  He says there is nothing wrong with our house just the way it is.  He would like to spend the money on two brand new cars – a luxury car and a sports model.  He would also like to travel extensively, both in this country and abroad.  He’s always reading travel magazines, and talking about faraway places.  We have traveled some, but mostly to visit children.  He says that doesn’t count.  He wants to visit exotic locales, and have adventures, for goodness sake.  We’re not exactly kids, I’m not sure how many adventures I have in me.  If any.  I’m wondering if he is trying to regain his youth.

We can’t afford to fix up the house and travel and buy new cars.  Something has to give, and at this point I guess we each think the other should give in.  How can we resolve such basically different wants and desires?

Homebody

Dear Homebody,

First of all, I hope you are counting your lucky stars to be your financial position.  How nice to be able to afford the options you and your husband are considering.  You must have saved and invested wisely.  Congratulations!

Have you thought of compromise?  For instance, you could estimate how much your house plans will cost, then cut that number in half.  Figure out what is MOST important for you to spend that money on, and concentrate on what really will give you the fresh new look you are after, without going “whole hog”.

Your husband could do the same thing – figure out how much it would cost to do all the traveling and buy the cars he want, then scale down by half.  Maybe he could buy one car, and plan one or two really special vacations.  You and he may come up with a better solution.  The idea is to respect the other person’s wishes and try to incorporate as many of them as possible in the final compromise.  You will both be happier in the long run than if one or the other gets his/her way.