My husband and I invited another couple to join us at our lake home for the weekend.  We really like the two of them, they are lively and fun, and we don’t get to see them very often because they live in another state.  

The plan was for them to come Saturday for brunch, we would have a cookout Saturday night, and breakfast and lunch the next day before they had to head home.  I was so excited to have them visit, they had never been to our lake home before.  I probably over-prepared in my eagerness to please, cleaning every nook and cranny, and I started cooking two days before their arrival so everything would be perfect.  Because they move in social circles beyond ours, I planned to prepare gourmet (read: expensive!) meals.  

Saturday morning I got up early to make brunch fresh and from scratch: home-made muffins (2 flavors), a baked egg strata with cheese and Smithfield ham, fresh fruit bowl, juices and home-ground gourmet coffee.  They were to arrive at 11:00 a.m.  At noon I called to see if perhaps they were lost and got the cheerful answer, “Oh no, we’re at a restaurant – we’ll be over as soon as we finish lunch!”  I couldn’t believe my ears.  I said as politely as I could, “But we had planned on you for brunch – it’s all ready.”  I didn’t mention that the egg dish was overcooked, the muffins were cold, and the coffee was sludge by now.  She said, “Oh, you shouldn’t have gone to all that trouble”, and that was the end of that – except for my disappointment, and I must admit, anger.  So I picked up my beautifully set table, put away what was still edible, and they showed up around 1:00.  

That’s not the end of the story.  That afternoon they casually mentioned they had invited another couple to join us for the cookout.  They did not offer to provide any food.  So I went out to buy a couple more steaks, and more salad makings, and prayed that the potato casserole and dessert would stretch to feed us all.  They did, barely, with no seconds.

The next day, breakfast went off without a hitch, but they left before lunch – again, I had planned a lovely meal.  At least this time I had not already prepared the food.

I am so conflicted.  I adore these people, but find their cavalier attitude toward my efforts at being a good hostess puzzling, to say the least.  Am I over reacting?

Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

You are not.  These charming, wonderful people are either clueless or manipulative.   Good guests use their common sense, and are considerate of their hosts.  Being welcomed into someone’s home is a very special thing, and should be treated as such.  You like these people, so I do not think you should sever any ties.  But next time you all get together, either fix very simple things, or plan to eat out.  Avoid future disappointment!