My girlfriend, Jennifer, and I are planning to be married this fall after she graduates from university.  She is a full-time student; I got my degree in business administration about a year ago.  I haven’t been able to find anything in my field yet, so am working for now in janitorial services for a hospital.  I don’t make a lot of money, and she isn’t making any.

We have student loans in the thousands of dollars.  We live in a cheap apartment near the university, but hope to find a decent apartment when she is through with school.  Some day we plan to buy a house, have a couple kids, and live the American dream, if it is still out there.  But I don’t see how we can achieve this, because Jennifer can’t save a nickel.  She spends everything we have on fix-ups for the apartment we won’t take with us when we move, stuff for me I don’t want (“surprises”), and clothes for us that we don’t need. 

She got a small inheritance from her aunt last June, and has already blown it on two expensive trips to California to visit her sister, and a newer car – her old one ran fine.  Her irresponsibility regarding money is driving me crazy, and I am worried we will never have anything worthwhile if she doesn’t learn to forego instant gratification and save for the things we agree that we both want.  

We have talked about it, but she doesn’t seem to get it.  She says we have plenty of time to make money when I get a good job, and she graduates and goes to work, too.  But I see a worrisome future ahead.  Am I being unreasonable?

Scrooge or Sensible?

Dear Sensible,

Disagreeing about money is one of the biggest problems couples have, so you and Jennifer had better do what you can to get on the same page regarding wise money management.  In fact, if I were you, I would make it mandatory to get control of the problem before getting married.  That might sound hard-nosed, even dictatorial, but someone has to be the adult here, and apparently you get the card.

You and Jennifer need to sit down and plan a budget that you vow to each other you will follow.  It should include provisions for paying back the student loans, your basic needs, and, at this point, little else.  When she starts contributing monetarily to the household and you find a better-paying job, the budget can be changed to allow for whatever discretionary spending you both agree is affordable at that time.  

Perhaps it would be money well spent to hire an expert on a one-time basis, to help lay out a plan that will get the two of you on track toward achieving your goals.  She may respect a good financial planner’s opinion, though it would be better if she respected yours.  If she balks, you had better think long and hard about whether you want to spend the rest of your lifetime worrying about, and fighting over, money.