I am scared.  I just learned my ex-boyfriend gave me genital herpes!  I immediately went to my doctor and he’s treating me for it, but herpes is forever.  My doctor tells me I can have a baby some day, but I don’t know how I can ever have a normal life.  Who is going to want to have a sexual relationship with me? How would I tell a guy, “Guess what I have - Ta Da - herpes!”  He wouldn’t be able to run away fast enough.  There isn’t anything you can do for me, Miss SmartyPants, because I’m stuck with this.  But I’m angry, and hurt and just had to vent.

 Miserable

 Dear Miserable,

 Genital herpes is not the end of your life.  You need to educate yourself about the disease, and then you will begin to realize you can live a normal life, including a meaningful sexual relationship, by just taking some precautions.  For starters, check out the American Social Health Association at www.ahsastd.org.  There you can learn what herpes is, what you can expect from it, how you can have a sex life though infected (don’t have sex when you’re having an outbreak).  You will also learn that one out of four sexually active women have genital herpes, so you are certainly not alone with this.  You will learn that, generally, outbreaks lessen over time.  And if you get on one of the online forums to talk with other people who have genital herpes, you will learn how they deal with it.

 Please contact your ex-boyfriend and let him know he infected you, so he can tell anyone else he may have infected.  Then realize you are not damaged goods, but the same person you were before your diagnosis, just as deserving of a happy, fulfilled life as anyone.  Then go ahead and live that life, with honesty and common sense.

 Here is a possible script for telling a guy you have herpes.  I don’t mean to discourage you from the “Ta Da!” announcement, but this might be a little less abrupt:

 “It looks like this relationship might be headed for the bedroom one of these days, but there’s something I’d like to discuss with you first.  I carry the genital herpes virus.  My episodes are such that I can usually tell when they are about to happen.  When I notice a redness or tingling, that means NO SEX until after the symptoms are gone. That sure as heck doesn’t mean we can’t engage in other types of sexual enjoyment (delivered with a smile).  To be fair, there always may be a chance of transmitting the virus without my having symptoms, but it is highly unlikely, only 3 to 4%.  The large majority of people who have herpes don’t even know it.  I’m fortunate I do know so I can treat it, and I can tell you about it.  If you have questions, I can give you some websites to look at for answers.  Please realize that whatever you decide, I will understand.”

 Then give the guy time to think about what you’ve told him.  Being honest and upfront is always the best approach, and certainly no less so now.  No more “Miserable”, ok?