I would never think to ask someone about their finances, so why would so many people feel the need to ask about mine? When I was younger I would briefly tell them my situation, as I got older I tried to change the subject quickly, now I just stare blankly at them. I think it's uncouth and downright RUDE! I don't think it's any of my business about someone else's finances except the person I am married to. Not my parent's, not my siblings, not any of my relatives, not even my close friends. So I don't get why complete strangers feel the need to ask such an intrusive question.

I am writing to ask for some suggestions on how to handle such a discourteous question and to hopefully make some people more aware of how personal some questions are. I thought that would be common sense but I have found out that's not the case.

Miffed

Dear Miffed,

It is amazing the things people feel are their business.  Our society is becoming more casual, but it is still considered ill-mannered to ask snoopy, personal questions. 

One response I like I read when I was a kid, I believe it was in “Dear Abby”.  She suggested that when someone asks a rude question, one should smile sweetly and say, “If you’ll forgive me for not answering, I’ll forgive you for asking.” 

If you don’t like that, you could try, “Why do you ask?”  When they answer, just say, “Oh.”  Repeat the word “Oh” to whatever they say until they realize you aren’t going to answer the question.  Keep smiling and remain cool so you don’t come across as aloof.

How about, “I believe I’ll just let that be my little secret.”  Then change the subject.

A more direct response: “We just don’t know each other well enough for me to answer.”

A boorish person might get huffy when you give one of the above responses, instead of realizing that they have crossed the line of propriety, and apologizing.  I wouldn’t worry too much about them.  Who wants to be around clueless people in the first place?